slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
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