I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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