I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
So squirting runs in the family.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
