I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize