think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
