tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
