Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
