Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Randomize