i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
