there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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