Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
