please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I supernannyed him into submission
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
