I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
