You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
