just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
