My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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