Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
