I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
