I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
