I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
