i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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