I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
