i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
