Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
