My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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