bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
