Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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