Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
