Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
