There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
