WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
