I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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