i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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