Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
