I accidentally burped into my bong.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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