Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
