If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
