saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
She's the barista slut.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
