I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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