I want to walk on stilts...naked
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
