he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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