There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
