Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Randomize
