i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
