So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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