So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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