Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
