stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
