Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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