i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
