no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
