But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
