thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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