just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I need mimosas to revive my soul
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
