My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
