I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
