I CAN MOONWALK!
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
