Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
