I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
