im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
