we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
