Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
