I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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