so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
