ya dads aren't the best wingmen
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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