Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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