Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
