so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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