She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
