he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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