her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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