i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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