I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
