maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
